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The VelociPastor & Other Dinosaur Schlock You Need to Watch

Alyssa Kempinski, Greg Cohan, and Claire Hsu in The VelociPastor

There is quite a lot of chatter from those that have seen The VelociPastor. Also, just in case you were curious, this dinosaur horror-comedy VelociPastor is available to watch streaming free on Tubi TV. It’s also readily available on heaps of different streaming platforms. The fact of the matter is, I found myself stifling quite a few chuckles. I totally appreciated a lot of the film’s production work and despite everything, I’m here to recommend this gem.

Is The Film Really About a Priest Who Turns Into A Dinosaur?

In short, yes. The priest played by a relatively unknown Greg Cohan watched his parents die in an explosion. Naturally, he questions his faith. Doug the priest is advised to go somewhere God will not follow and once in China, he gets bestowed a claw bone which enables him to transform into a dinosaur.

Cohan steals the show. His co-star Alyssa Kempinski plays a hooker. Some of the conversations the two have are pretty humorous. Subsequently, none of the cast annoyed me one bit. Sure there are a few over-the-top characters but all blend together nicely.

I know what you’re thinking. It sounds ridiculous and on paper it is. However, a lot of the reasons I usually dislike films like this, are taken away in this film. Camerawork used in movies of this kind often adds fuel to the fire of disappointment and music that accompanies low budget schlock leaves you simply thinking about who they got to play the synthesizer. You never remember the story you’ve just seen.

Watch Velocipastor Streaming Free

Car on Fire VelociPastor movie still
VelociPastor is streaming free on Tubi TV in most countries.

Read Next: More dinosaurs in Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom. In case you needed a big-budget film after watching this.

See How the Other Side Live: Some filmmakers like cheese way too much, Zoombies 1 and 2 will remind you how good The VelociPastor is.

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Greg Cohan and Claire Hsu in The VelociPastor
Greg Cohan and Claire Hsu as Priest Doug and a Chinese Villager. Watch VelociPastor streaming free on Tubi TV.

Brendan Steere

Writer-director Brendan Steere has a previous film, Animosity. Subsequently, it’s renting cheaply.

The cinematography in The VelociPastor seems to have captured the essence of the extreme close up and used it to an advantage. Over the course of the film, this technique alongside the actor’s hilarious facial expressions was done really well. There are other small delights you’ll notice if you’re paying attention too. Small details in the background and qualities that lift the film to another level altogether. I’m not saying this movie is doing anything many haven’t done before. I’m just saying VelociPastor did it better. And don’t even get me started on the micro-budget The VelociPastor was made on. A meager $35 000 USD apparently and Steere went a few extra miles to add his own touches to the finished product.

The Music in VelociPastor

The score here reduces the glare of the cheese. It creates a great contrast to what would otherwise be an uneventful journey. Instead of using music to play into the silliness, here it manages a balance to take it down a peg. In the latter half, there’s a particularly gaudy montage. It features weird reaching hands among other things and plays out to the tune of “I Didn’t Even Have Time to Think” by Math the Band. Somehow it made for a completely enjoyable visual experience instead of the usual gross-out one, one would expect.

The Special Effects & Prosthetics

You wouldn’t go into a film like this expecting Jurassic World effects and you shouldn’t here. The gore here is not high intensity nor frequent. What it is though, is fun where it needs to be and executed in a way that won’t disappoint you when you do see it. There are some prosthetics loosely based on something I think was intended to look like dinosaurs’ hands but unfortunately do not, but it’s certainly no worse than many boat-like crocodiles I’ve seen from time to time.

Overall, the story and social commentary combined with the various quality production ideas all work in harmony. There is a hint of a few different things like thoughts on the monsters within us, drugs and religion and priests and their bad reputations that made me think of this movie as a standout in this niche of dumb-horror-comedy.

I’m not promising you roll-on-the-floor-laughter but I do guarantee a smirk from time to time at the very least. I did have a good laugh out loud moment and I hope if you watch it, you have one too.

I give The VelociPastor

3.5 That time you turned into a dinosaur and ate someone out of 5

3.5 Skulls out of 5
3.5 Skulls out of 5

Need More Dinosaur Horror Movies?

  • Carnosaur (1993) known for its quality practical effects
  • The Valley of Gwangi (1969) with a solid rating of 6/10 it’s probably worth a shot
  • 100 Million BC is a big-budget film made in 2008.

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